Sometimes we bake cookies. And sometimes, they turn out — er —not so appealing to the eye. We can only dream of crafting that perfect, circular shape; that crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside bite; that golden combination of a visually aesthetic yet so-tasty-I-just-might-eat-the-
But when we fail — which we so often do — we are left feeling empty inside, full of despair, heart-broken.
Let’s take a moment of silence for all of the cookies lost.
Moment of silence over. I’m here to lift your spirits — no, our spirits. Because, friends, there is something you can do when your cookies crumble, are oddly-shaped, or are a touch too brown around the edges. In fact, there are a plethora (what a lovely word, eh?) of things you can do to clean up your crumbly mess.
First thing’s first: you must lay your cookie to rest. Perform a service for your cookie, complete with flowers and a casket. Bury your cookie. Your cookie is gone now. It is time to move on.
Once that’s out of the way, you must avenge your cookie. Unfortunately, there is no time for grieving. Your vengeance must start immediately. To appropriately avenge your cookie’s death, you can do one of the following:
1. The Pie Method
Throw your broken cookies back into the oven at a low heat (300F should work). Let them “dry out,” if you will, like you’re making granola. Once they are nice and crispy, remove your cookies from the oven and let cool completely. Then, toss into a ziplock bag and crush. To crush your cookies, I recommend pounding vigorously with a mallet. If you don’t have a mallet at your disposal, shame on you — just kidding. A tin can should work great as a crushing mechanism. Transfer your sand-like crumbles to a bowl. Melt a tablespoon or two of coconut oil and mix that in with the crumbles. Add a tablespoon of cane sugar as well. Mix, mix, mix. Grab a pie tin and press your crust into the tin. Et voila! You’ve just made a homemade pie crust. You deserve a pat on the back. I recommend filling your crust with a delicious raw vegan cheesecake or chocolate fudge “cream.”
2. The Truffle Shuffle Style
Take your melty, under-baked batch of cookies and dump them into a bowl. Mash, mash, mash with a fork (or your fingers, if utensils just aren’t your thing). Add in 1/2 cup each vegan cream cheese and powdered sugar. Mash again. With your hands (wash them first PLEASE), form your truffles into balls. Freeze the truffles for 30 minutes. Then, dip them in melted vegan chocolate. Stick ‘em back in the freezer. Take a bite and fly away into chocolate heaven.
3. The Ben & Jerry’s Approach
Break your slightly over-baked cookies into chunks. Pop them into the freezer and let them chill there overnight. No blanket necessary. While you’re at it, throw two cans of full-fat coconut milk in the fridge overnight. The next day, give your cans a good shake and empty them into a bowl along with 1/2 cup cane sugar, a pinch of salt, and a teaspoon of vanilla. Mix those ingredients up. Gently fold in your cookie chunks with 1/2 cup vegan chocolate chips. Transfer contents to an ice-cream maker. Let it churn. And wow, look at that! Homemade Ben & Jerry’s “Milk & Cookies” Ice Cream. WAY TO GO, CHAMP.
Phew. That was a lot to handle. Our cookies were birthed, baked, killed by our own filthy hands, then re-birthed by the grace of the confectionary gods. We did it, team.
What’s your worst baking disaster? I’ve got plenty of stories I could share…
Until next time,